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3D Video Games: Am I still a gamer, or just a lonely peeping tom?

February 13, 2010 2 comments

Sony has been saying for a while that the PS3 is capable of 3D gaming with a few minor updates here and there. I am 100%, completely, totally, undeniably ready for this. My mind immediately went into the word of first person shooters and it struck me that one of the few things to make Haze playable would have been if it was in full 3D. Okay that’s a lie, I’m a closet Haze fan.

A fully 3D capable Gran Turismo 5 would blow my mind. The video game is already visually outstanding, but with the addition of a completely immersive 3D cockpit it would absolutely cause me to wet myself with glee. I would be one step closer to driving a car that I will never be able to afford.

The question of “Will Final Fantasy XIII support 3D” caused my heart to have palpitations of pure delight. Having been a fan of Final Fantasy from the first one I found it hard not to jump up and down screaming like I just got a beer closet.

After reading it my mind began to wander to thoughts of role playing games. Would I be forever immersed in a world that I have fallen in love with? Would I spend all day wearing my 3D glasses? Would I be seemingly able to pick Alistair’s nose? I really want to pick Alistair’s nose. Would I be able to virtually slap the next whining Tidus like male protagonist with daddy issues? Seriously, you combine the motion control of a Wii with the 3D capabilities of a PS3 and you’re in for some good Spanish Elf slappin’.

My mind finally settled on the sex scenes. If said scene is in 3D imagine what it would be like. Here take a moment and drink it all in:

Now it may seem fun and perv-tastic but think about it. Really think about it. You’re alone in a dimly lit room with a pair of dark glasses watching two people have sex. That pretty much screams lonely pervert. If someone were to walk in it would be very hard not to fumble over words to explain what you are doing.

Then my mind wanders back to the the 3D-Realms classic Duke Nukem 3D. In it’s time a fantastic game. It was a great first person shooter that really called out to my 14 year old self.

Duke Nukem Forever - Strip Club

Even Duke is wearing his 3D Glasses

Imagine if Duke Nukem Forever was still on the table. You can only assume it would still contain some similar…concepts, notably the  strippers. So there you are, dimly lit room, handing singles to a stripper in 3D while wearing dark glasses.

Suddenly 3D video games mean you not only get the chance to be a peeping tom and also the creepy guy in the strip club who wears sunglasses but a full tilt boogie creeper who wears dark glasses and watches intimate moments in other people’s lives. Essentially….you’re a total perv.

While I can’t wait to see what the world of 3D video games has for us, to be honest I’m a little nervous about being creepy. Although I’m not 100% sure a game is going to make me any more creepy than I already am.

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