Recently Kat and I were talking about how she was a girl gamer. I take a different view than most. Kat is a gamer through and through. There is no “girl” about it. She’s a head shot scoring FPS player who knows how to drift a supped up hot rod through a turn using an XBox360 controller and one hand. She can level up with the best of ’em and take down a horde without breaking a sweat.
Now I have another friend (lets call him Sam) who hasn’t touched a game since the 1990’s. Sam is the kind of guy who watched South Park and Googled Hello Kitty’s Island Adventure because it sounded like fun. He downloaded Second Life because apparently real life wasn’t entertaining enough. He doesn’t look for a challenge. He doesn’t look to better his skills. He just wants something he can breeze through and giggle about. Sam is a “girl gamer”.
Now why are we using “girl” as a negative? Well really I’m not. I’m using it to reference the children who would rather have a tea party than build a tree fort. The children who would rather dress up a cat than play a game of back yard football. It’s not an insult its just a description of someone who looks for activities that while may be personally enriching are less than challenging.
But what are some solid “girl” games? What are some gamer games? Well…allow me to answer that for you.
Girl Racing Game vs. Racing Game
Hands down, clear winner. There is no possible way that any game can be less of a challenge. It’s Barbie who’s only challenge to date has been finding any pleasure with a guy with plastic hair and no junk. Horse riding is tricky. I have failed every time I have tried. Horses just don’t like me and they make it known. But seriously, all you do here is just ride around. But hey, at least the horses have different personalities…right?
Is there anything you can’t do in Gran Turismo? You can find your dream car and proceed to modify, optimize, and fine tune everything from the body, the engine, the paint, the tires, and pretty much everything down to the front panel display. Anyone who has ever played a Gran Turismo game can attest that winning later in the game is no easy task. From the license tests, to the actual races this game offers a multitude of ways for a gamer to lose.
Girly MMORPG vs MMORPG
Now admittedly I was a member of Gaia. I partook of the GD and made my obscene jokes and belittled other people. I also tried playing the MMORPG they offered. Let me just say that I am not saying that zOMG! is easy. It does require leveling, grinding, and fighting strange anime inspired enemies in colorful cartoon like worlds. What really makes this stand out as “super girly” is the fact that its a game based around a website. A website that encourages the users to sit around, chit chat, and go shopping. So when you’re not fighting cartoons, you can play dress up!
There are a multitude of MMORPGs out there that are tough, cruel, and worth playing. I’m not going to go in depth into finding the right one. I will however mention World of Warcraft. WoW has been around for years constantly creating new content for its players asking them to take their time and use it to level up their characters. Anyone who thinks it isn’t hard has never been through what this guy has been through:
My heart goes out to you…man? Snorlax? yeah….
Girl FPS vs FPS
It’s hard to pick a first person shooter that embodies “girly”. Kat and I went back and forth for a while and she eventually remembered a game she played way back when…
“Kat” (8:54:35 AM): No One Lives Forever“Kat” (8:54:45 AM): That’s girly“Wadoobie” (8:54:56 AM): never heard of it“Kat” (8:55:04 AM): because it’s girly, that’s why!“Wadoobie” (8:55:49 AM): how is it girly“Wadoobie” (8:55:50 AM): ?“Wadoobie” (8:55:59 AM): it won a few Game of the Year awards“Kat” (8:56:01 AM): Well“Kat” (8:56:17 AM): It’s a female lead character. There are really humorous dialog exchanges“Kat” (8:56:19 AM): No blood“Kat” (8:56:26 AM): You can use hilarious guns“Kat” (8:56:32 AM): or…banana peels“Kat” (8:56:36 AM): to foil enemies“Wadoobie” (8:56:38 AM): …..that wins“Wadoobie” (8:56:41 AM): hands down“Kat” (8:56:43 AM): Laughing gas“Wadoobie” (8:56:44 AM): banana peels?“Kat” (8:56:47 AM): oh yes“Kat” (8:59:28 AM): There’s a robotic bomb disguised as an adorable kitten“Kat” (8:59:30 AM): COME ON“Kat” (8:59:32 AM): Girly
The Kitten Bomb sold me. I was willing to give it the benefit of the doubt until the Kitten Bomb. But what is the counterpart for other gamers? Seriously…pick one. There are so many to choose from. Pick it, Battlefield? Modern Warfare? BioShock? So many to choose from that I’m pretty sure the market can be considered saturated, ya think?
Girly Third Person Action vs. Third Person Action
Ape Escape. I loved Ape Escape but the entire game was designed around the concept of: “Cheeky little monkeys escape. They all wear goofy helmets with flashing lights on them. They run amok. Spike has to catch them all in a net. He can bitch slap them with a lightsaber/billy club thing. Now I love monkeys and their hijinks but when it comes to having to catch them, sorry, not interested.
I will say that some of the mini-games were pretty fun. They had monkey boxing. I mean who doesn’t love the very idea of two monkey pugilists sparring off against one another. Just try to stop thinking of the music from Rocky when you start playing.
The flip side of the coin is God of War. Think about the manliest things you can think of:
- Knives: check
- Chains: check
- Fire: check
- Flaming knives attached to body with chains: Bonus Check
- Sex: Check
- Blood: Check
- Ripping off of heads/faces/arms/legs/generally any appendage: check
I know it doesn’t have the in depth game play of catching stray primates and smacking them with a billy club but…well….it works.
Ape Escape – Monkey. Net. Goofy Helmet.
God of War – Flaming Knives, Chains, Blood, Ripping faces off, Sex Mini Games. Nuff said.