Recently Kat and I were talking about how she was a girl gamer. I take a different view than most. Kat is a gamer through and through. There is no “girl” about it. She’s a head shot scoring FPS player who knows how to drift a supped up hot rod through a turn using an XBox360 controller and one hand. She can level up with the best of ’em and take down a horde without breaking a sweat.
Now I have another friend (lets call him Sam) who hasn’t touched a game since the 1990’s. Sam is the kind of guy who watched South Park and Googled Hello Kitty’s Island Adventure because it sounded like fun. He downloaded Second Life because apparently real life wasn’t entertaining enough. He doesn’t look for a challenge. He doesn’t look to better his skills. He just wants something he can breeze through and giggle about. Sam is a “girl gamer”.
Now why are we using “girl” as a negative? Well really I’m not. I’m using it to reference the children who would rather have a tea party than build a tree fort. The children who would rather dress up a cat than play a game of back yard football. It’s not an insult its just a description of someone who looks for activities that while may be personally enriching are less than challenging.
But what are some solid “girl” games? What are some gamer games? Well…allow me to answer that for you.
Girl Racing Game vs. Racing Game
Hands down, clear winner. There is no possible way that any game can be less of a challenge. It’s Barbie who’s only challenge to date has been finding any pleasure with a guy with plastic hair and no junk. Horse riding is tricky. I have failed every time I have tried. Horses just don’t like me and they make it known. But seriously, all you do here is just ride around. But hey, at least the horses have different personalities…right?
Is there anything you can’t do in Gran Turismo? You can find your dream car and proceed to modify, optimize, and fine tune everything from the body, the engine, the paint, the tires, and pretty much everything down to the front panel display. Anyone who has ever played a Gran Turismo game can attest that winning later in the game is no easy task. From the license tests, to the actual races this game offers a multitude of ways for a gamer to lose.
Girly MMORPG vs MMORPG
Now admittedly I was a member of Gaia. I partook of the GD and made my obscene jokes and belittled other people. I also tried playing the MMORPG they offered. Let me just say that I am not saying that zOMG! is easy. It does require leveling, grinding, and fighting strange anime inspired enemies in colorful cartoon like worlds. What really makes this stand out as “super girly” is the fact that its a game based around a website. A website that encourages the users to sit around, chit chat, and go shopping. So when you’re not fighting cartoons, you can play dress up!
There are a multitude of MMORPGs out there that are tough, cruel, and worth playing. I’m not going to go in depth into finding the right one. I will however mention World of Warcraft. WoW has been around for years constantly creating new content for its players asking them to take their time and use it to level up their characters. Anyone who thinks it isn’t hard has never been through what this guy has been through:
My heart goes out to you…man? Snorlax? yeah….
Girl FPS vs FPS
It’s hard to pick a first person shooter that embodies “girly”. Kat and I went back and forth for a while and she eventually remembered a game she played way back when…
“Kat” (8:54:35 AM): No One Lives Forever“Kat” (8:54:45 AM): That’s girly“Wadoobie” (8:54:56 AM): never heard of it“Kat” (8:55:04 AM): because it’s girly, that’s why!“Wadoobie” (8:55:49 AM): how is it girly“Wadoobie” (8:55:50 AM): ?“Wadoobie” (8:55:59 AM): it won a few Game of the Year awards“Kat” (8:56:01 AM): Well“Kat” (8:56:17 AM): It’s a female lead character. There are really humorous dialog exchanges“Kat” (8:56:19 AM): No blood“Kat” (8:56:26 AM): You can use hilarious guns“Kat” (8:56:32 AM): or…banana peels“Kat” (8:56:36 AM): to foil enemies“Wadoobie” (8:56:38 AM): …..that wins“Wadoobie” (8:56:41 AM): hands down“Kat” (8:56:43 AM): Laughing gas“Wadoobie” (8:56:44 AM): banana peels?“Kat” (8:56:47 AM): oh yes“Kat” (8:59:28 AM): There’s a robotic bomb disguised as an adorable kitten“Kat” (8:59:30 AM): COME ON“Kat” (8:59:32 AM): Girly
The Kitten Bomb sold me. I was willing to give it the benefit of the doubt until the Kitten Bomb. But what is the counterpart for other gamers? Seriously…pick one. There are so many to choose from. Pick it, Battlefield? Modern Warfare? BioShock? So many to choose from that I’m pretty sure the market can be considered saturated, ya think?
Girly Third Person Action vs. Third Person Action
Ape Escape. I loved Ape Escape but the entire game was designed around the concept of: “Cheeky little monkeys escape. They all wear goofy helmets with flashing lights on them. They run amok. Spike has to catch them all in a net. He can bitch slap them with a lightsaber/billy club thing. Now I love monkeys and their hijinks but when it comes to having to catch them, sorry, not interested.
I will say that some of the mini-games were pretty fun. They had monkey boxing. I mean who doesn’t love the very idea of two monkey pugilists sparring off against one another. Just try to stop thinking of the music from Rocky when you start playing.
The flip side of the coin is God of War. Think about the manliest things you can think of:
- Knives: check
- Chains: check
- Fire: check
- Flaming knives attached to body with chains: Bonus Check
- Sex: Check
- Blood: Check
- Ripping off of heads/faces/arms/legs/generally any appendage: check
I know it doesn’t have the in depth game play of catching stray primates and smacking them with a billy club but…well….it works.
Ape Escape – Monkey. Net. Goofy Helmet.
God of War – Flaming Knives, Chains, Blood, Ripping faces off, Sex Mini Games. Nuff said.
Well WTF BioWare? Listen, I totally share Kat’s sentiment towards you guys, but I also share the sentiment that I love perving out. on Dragon Age: Origins – Awakening’s website they have a rather handy FAQ:
1.7 – If I had a romance in Origins, does it carry over into Awakening?
Romances do not carry forward in Awakening, because you are away from your previous life fighting a new threat.
Now this is to be expected unless you wind up marrying and taking over the crown in the end. For male protagonists you’re primary romantic interest (Morrigan) is off with your child in the woods and there is no guarantee that Leliana will be with you at the moment. Even if she is there is go guarantee your love interest will fit in, have the right skills, or be needed in the new campaign. But then I read further:
1.8 – Who can I romance in Dragon Age: Origins – Awakening?
There are no romances options available in Awakening. The story is focused more on the mission at hand and the new threat to Ferelden.
Come on now. You mean to tell me my character isn’t going to go looking for strange when off in a new land? You apparently don’t know my character very well. Let me clue you in. She’s an angry bitter whore of a city elf who does what she wants. Sure the primary male main character I have is a fine upstanding fella, but the girl? She’s gonna find a way to tent. Mark my words.
What the FAQ does say that really makes me excited is that:
1.9 – Which Dragon Age: Origins NPC will be returning?
Besides Oghren who plays a large role in Awakening, there are cameos and returning characters…
For me, Oghren was phenomenal comedic fodder. We had some wonderful analogies and misunderstood references. I laughed for hours when I heard Ohgren use the term “Pike Twirler”. I actually looked at my fiance and asked if she wanted to “grease up the ol’ bronto”. She said no. I think it worried her a little.
(thanks to reddit for catching the above typo. you’re always there for me.)
When asked her opinion Kat (who may be BioWare’s biggest fan…she may even be stalking them) responded with:
Learning the fact that you can’t romance in DA:O-A…almost makes me feel like…eff that. Totally takes the wind out of the sails.
While we are still going to purchase and play the crap out of it because…well…that’s what we do, we will still feel like something is missing. Like the game is slightly incomplete. While it’s entirely possible that we wont even notice the lack of tenting I am still going to miss it.
To check out the FAQ you can find it on the Dragon Age: Origins – Awakening website.